apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
