OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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