I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
