I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
