It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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