took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
birth control should be required to get into college
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
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