Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
