And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
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