i don't like sucking hair
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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