If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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