I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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