do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Shame is for Republicans.
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