I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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