dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
