I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
