I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
