if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
