First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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