Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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