By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
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Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
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Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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