just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
