Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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