Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
