It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
