Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
