i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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