I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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