please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
