Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
