can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
