he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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