So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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