my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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