I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
