a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
