Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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