I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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