He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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