This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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