end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It was confusing and full of hummus
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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