I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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