so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize