Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't put those talents on a resume
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
