yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
