So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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