so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
