shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize