U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just invented taco cereal.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
