I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
