Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
