Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
