Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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