FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
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NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
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You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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