Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize