Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
