What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she peed on how many people?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
