is your mom at the bar?
My liver just broke up with me...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
