so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
