im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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