hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
