im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
