i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
